Broad Shoulders and a Heavy Heart
by leefert
Summary: Taylor blames herself when a civilian loses his life. Just a simple one parter that I was inspired to write.


The sound of heavy fire boots striking the wet pavement came up behind a lone firefighter sitting on the curb. Taylor sat with her arms resting on her knees and her head resting on her chest.

"Hey." Walsh said softly, "Mind if I sit down?"

"It's a free country." Taylor said without even looking up.

"It's 3 AM, don't you want to go back to the house?" Walsh asked

"Not really." Taylor said dryly.

Walsh thought for a moment, "It's not your fault."

Taylor's blank stare went right through him. It was obvious that nothing he said or did was going to make her feel like it wasn't her fault. An ambulance pulled past them heading to the ER at Mercy hospital.

"You've been sitting here for over an hour." Walsh tried to get her to move.

The rain started falling a little harder.

"Come on, you're going to get pneumonia or something." Walsh pleaded

"Give me a minute, okay?" Taylor asked

"Sure." Walsh replied as he stood up. "I'll be inside."

Taylor nodded.

**4 Hours Earlier**

Taylor was in a recliner watching the 11 PM news. Walsh and DK came back downstairs from the bunkroom.

"What's the matter can't sleep?" Taylor asked

"Lombardo sounds like a chainsaw, I swear." DK said as he plopped down into a recliner

"I thought he got that surgery to fix it." Walsh said

"Yeah, worked until he broke his nose in the football game last fall." Taylor added

"Well then he needs to get it fixed again, I need my beauty sleep." DK said

Walsh and Taylor both laughed.

"That's for sure princess." Walsh cracked

DK threw a pillow at him. "Very funny."

The station became eerily silent as the news continued. The three firefighters sat without saying a word for about 10 minutes when the silence was broken by someone banging on the door.

"Do you hear that?" Walsh asked

"Yeah sounds like someone's beating our door in." Taylor said as they got up to investigate

They opened the red door to find a young man standing in front of them, obviously out of breath, panting.

"What's wrong?" Taylor asked

"There's… there's…" The young man panted. "Fire!"

The firefighters stepped out of their firehouse and looked down the street.

"Get the door." Walsh yelled

"Squad 5-5 to Manhattan transmit a 10-75 on Arthur Ave. Will give you specifics momentarily, fire is visible from our quarters." DK radioed to dispatch as Walsh pulled the truck out into the street.

By now Lt. Johnson, Jimmy, and Lombardo were putting on their gear. The Claxton sounded for the medic units and the ladder as well.

"Lt. 5-5 to Manhattan, go ahead and strike a 2nd alarm to that 10-75, fire showing floors 5-8 of a 10 floor occupied apartment building. 1645 Arthur Ave." Lt. Johnson said as Walsh was pulling the truck to a stop in front of the building.

Jimmy jumped out and quickly put his air pack on before grabbing a hose line. Walsh quickly grabbed the supply line to hook to the hydrant. Taylor grabbed a haligan bar. She and DK went into the building.

People were streaming down the dark stairway. The two firefighters paused to look up the stairwell.

"Of course the building doesn't have a sprinkler system." Taylor said

DK grinned, "That would make our lives too easy."

Together they continued up the stairs. The higher they climbed, the fewer the number of residents that were exiting the apartments.

"I hope they are getting out the fire escapes." Taylor said

"By now the ladders should be in position to get them out too." DK replied as they made it to the 4th floor landing.

On the outside of the building there were firefighters moving around everywhere, some were pulling hose lines, others were preparing to enter the building. Ladder 100 and Ladder 71 were already in position to vent.

There were civilians displaced from their homes milling about. One of them walked up to Lt. Johnson.

"Excuse me." He said

But Lt. Johnson did not hear him. Instead he was concentrated on watching the events unfolding before him.

"Excuse me sir!" The man said louder.

Lt. Johnson turned. "Can I help you?"

"Do you know if anyone came out from Apartment 5-D?" the man asked

"I'm not sure. They have an area set up over there to check in." Lt. Johnson pointed.

"You're not understanding me." The man said. "The residents in 5-D are deaf, one's in a wheelchair."

Lt. Johnson looked up towards the 5th floor. From the front he couldn't tell if there was fire in the rear of the building.

"I'll send a crew." Lt. Johnson said.

"Thank you." The man replied

Lt. Johnson keyed up his radio mic, "Lt. 5-5 to DK what's your status?"

DK quickly replied. "We're reaching the 5th floor landing now."

"Check apartment 5-D. The residents inside are deaf and one is wheelchair bound." Lt. Johnson informed DK.

"Where's the line?" DK asked

"Coming up behind you." Jimmy replied

Taylor and DK put their masks on.

"5-D right?" Taylor asked

"That's what he said." DK replied

"Well, let's go." Taylor said

The two firefighters made their way back the short hallway. Smoke was seeping out of doorways. They passed the door to apartment 5-B, it was hanging open and there was a heavy load of fire in the apartment.

"We're not going to have much time." Taylor pointed out

Quickly they advanced to the door of the apartment. Taylor checked the door and it was cool, but it was locked.

"Of course." She muttered as she positioned her haligan bar to pop the door. "Alright, we're in."

The door swung in and they were greeted by smoke.

"Fire department." DK yelled

"Like that's going to work, they're deaf remember?" Taylor quipped.

"How are they gonna know we're here?" DK asked

"I guess we'll find out when we find them." Taylor said, "I can't believe that they don't have one of those vibrating alarms." She added

They cautiously made their way through the apartment, searching each room carefully. They made their way to what appeared to be the bedroom. DK opened the door and found a woman laying in the bed and a man sitting beside her.

He was trying to speak, but it was incoherent to them. All they could do was nod. DK picked up the woman and Taylor helped lead the man towards the doorway. Once they made it out into the hall they could see the glow of the fire from the front apartment.

"We gotta move quickly." DK pointed out as he looked behind him to make sure Taylor and the man were both still with him.

They reached the stairway where Jimmy and Lombardo met them with the line. DK started down the stairs with the woman. Taylor and the man started down the stairs, the man quickly bolted past Taylor and headed back towards his apartment.

"NO!" Taylor screamed as the man darted back the hall.

DK turned to look when an ominous cracking sound above them.

"Go!" Jimmy yelled at DK

Taylor quickly leapt back into the hallway to run after the man. Lombardo and Jimmy could only watch helplessly as the flaming debris fell between them and Taylor.

"Taylor!" Jimmy yelled as loud as his mask would let him. He looked at the hose line he was holding. It now had no water pressure, Lombardo looked up.

"We gotta go after her." Lombardo said

"I know." Jimmy said as he tossed the hose aside.

Taylor stood up and looked back towards the stairwell. Then she looked ahead of her and saw the arm of the man she had tried to rescue moments earlier sticking out from under some debris. She feverishly tried to dig him out.

DK emerged from the building and was greeted by the waiting paramedics. Lt. Johnson rushed over.

"What the hell happened up there?" Lt. Johnson asked

"The floors above gave way. I think Taylor's trapped up there with a victim." DK replied as he took his mask off.

Lt. Johnson looked back towards the now ragging fire on the 5th floor. The Battalion Chief on the scene had already ordered the 3rd alarm to be struck.

Jimmy and Lombardo tried to get through, but without a working hose line they could do little to get to wear they last saw Taylor.

"We need another line up here now!" Jimmy yelled into the radio

He and Lombardo were forced to watch the wall of flames burn the debris.

Taylor finally got to the bottom of the pile and rolled the victim over.

"No." She said as she checked for a pulse. "Damn it!" She yelled

She quickly tried to revive him, but it was useless. She reached for her radio only to discover that it was busted. There was only one option left was to use the fire escape. Taylor was obviously limping as she made her way to the window at the end of the hall. Time was working against her as she knew her air bottle would soon be empty. The window was sealed shut.

"Damn it!" She said as she quickly looked around.

She was looking for her haligan bar or something to bust the window out with. Finally, she found a piece of a 2x4. She picked it up and used it to bust the window. Then, with her gloved hand, she pushed the pieces of glass out towards the fire escape. She leaned out to look down into the alley below.

"Now I know why the window was sealed shut." As she looked up above her.

Taylor knew that she had to make some sort of move. She couldn't last forever and the fire was getting hotter. She carefully climbed out onto the fire escape, she couldn't believe that no one had thrown ladders on this side of the building yet.

"Hey!" She yelled.

Her voice echoed between the buildings. A stray cat scurried out of the alley, obviously startled by her voice.

Lt. Johnson stared at the building. Jimmy and Lombardo were giving their account of what had happened.

"Are you sure there's no other way she could have gotten out?" He asked

"I don't know. We never made it to the floor. It collapsed before we could get back to her." Jimmy said as he looked up at the building.

Walsh stood there for a moment, "What about the alley?"

It was only a narrow alley between the buildings.

"Wasn't there a partial escape to the alley?" Walsh was recalling from their mapping of the apartment buildings.

The guys quickly rushed around the building.

"Taylor!" Jimmy yelled as he looked up and saw her.

"Hang on, we're coming!" Walsh yelled to her

"Somebody get me a damn ladder over here!" Lombardo yelled

"I don't think anyone can maneuver in here." DK said matter-of-factly.

Taylor began to weigh her options. Her weight was starting to buckle the metal escape.

"Why do they have building codes when they obviously don't enforce them?" She asked herself.

The metal brackets started to peel away from the brick wall. There was a sudden shift in the platform that caused her to fall to the decking. She quickly grabbed for the railing.

The guys below watched helplessly as they could hear her cries. The horrible reality was that she was about to fall from the 5th floor balcony, and there was nothing that they could do about it.

A horrible screeching sound echoed between the buildings. Then the metal gave way and began to fall. The guys couldn't bear to watch. Taylor let out a few cries; she didn't have time to think. Suddenly she felt a jolt as her body hit the side of the building and she realized that something had broken her fall. She was now dangling below the metal platform and her arms began to feel like jello. She looked up and realized that the platform had gotten caught between the buildings. She was afraid to look down.

"Hold on!" Jimmy yelled

Lombardo and a couple of other firefighters rushed towards the building with a ladder.

"We're coming Taylor. Just hold on." Lombardo added.

Taylor looked down. "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere- I hope."

The ladder was positioned close to where Taylor was caught. Soon Lombardo was climbing up towards her.

"Hold on." He said

"Hurry, I'm not sure how much longer this is going to stay wedged in here." Taylor said as she looked up and noticed the metal sliding a little more.

Lombardo put his hand on Taylor's boot.

"Alright, I'm going to help bring your foot over to the ladder. You gotta trust me." He said

"I trust you Joe. I trust you." She said

Carefully he guided her feet over to the ladder.

"Alright, your feet are on." He looked up at her. "Whenever you're ready."

Taylor looked down and then slowly she walked herself towards the ladder. When it was within reach she let go of the platform with her right hand and reached for the ladder. This was enough of a weight shift to cause the platform to buckle again and she lost her grip. She quickly clutched the ladder as Lombardo reached out to make sure that she wasn't going to fall.

She caught her breath and then looked at him.

"Thanks, now let's get down, I really want solid ground under my feet right now."

He looked up and grinned as they made their way to the ground. As they reached the bottom Walsh and Jimmy helped her make the final few rungs.

"You okay?" Walsh asked

"Yeah, just a little shaken up I think." Taylor replied

Taylor put her feet on the ground and looked down at herself. She saw dried blood on her hand, but she wasn't exactly sure where it had come from. Jimmy helped her take her coat off when she noticed the gash to her forearm.

"That's a nasty looking gash you have there." Walsh said. "Maybe you should get checked out."

Taylor didn't really hear him. She looked up towards the window that she had come out of. Her arm didn't hurt as much as the fact that she had just lost an innocent civilian. She had tried to get him out, but not hard enough. She blamed herself for his death. It was a slow walk towards the waiting medic unit and Lt. Johnson.

"Glad you're okay." He said. "I really don't want to have to be the one to tell your mom that something happened." He smiled. "Go get checked out."

Taylor managed half of a smile as she walked towards Boy 5-5-3. Kim was waiting for her and helped her up into the ambulance. Walsh closed the backdoors behind the girls and tapped on the window. Taylor just starred out the back window as they pulled away.

Dr. Fields greeted Kim and Taylor as they walked in.

"You look like hell." He told Taylor.

"Glad to know my look matches the way I feel." Taylor quipped.

"She hasn't been the most cooperative patients." Kim said

"That doesn't surprise me." Dr. Fields replied as they walked towards the exam room. "We'll get that cleaned up for you."

Taylor sat quietly on the bed as Dr. Fields cleaned the wound and then threw in a few stitches.

"You can take a shower, but don't let the stitches get wet. Come back in 7 days and we'll take them out for you." He said

Taylor nodded as she stood up. "Thanks."

Dr. Fields smiled and watched as Taylor walked out of the ER. She stopped and looked up at the sky. It was sprinkling rain as she walked to the curb. She sat down and put her elbows on her knees. Taylor stared at the ground silently. She couldn't help but feel that it was her fault that the man had died. She paid no attention to the ambulances that passed by on their way into the ER.

The sound of heavy fire boots striking the wet pavement came up behind her.

"Hey." Walsh said softly, "Mind if I sit down?"

"It's a free country." Taylor said without even looking up.

"It's 3 AM, don't you want to go back to the house?" Walsh asked

"Not really." Taylor said dryly.

Walsh thought for a moment, "It's not your fault."

Taylor's blank stare went right through him. It was obvious that nothing he said or did was going to make her feel like it wasn't her fault. An ambulance pulled past them heading to the ER at Mercy hospital.

"You've been sitting here for over an hour." Walsh tried to get her to move.

The rain started falling a little harder.

"Come on, you're going to get pneumonia or something." Walsh pleaded

"Give me a minute, okay?" Taylor asked

"Sure." Walsh replied as he stood up. "I'll be inside."

Taylor nodded. After a couple minutes Taylor slowly stood up and walked back towards the ER. It was a warm bubble bath and a bottle of wine type night. But going back to the house would work just as well tonight.


End file.
